Saturday, August 13, 2016

We are five!

Truth be told, marrying you was my only whimsy. 

And we are five today. Can you believe it? It’s so silly.  

They say marriage is between equals. Ours, I think is not. For I have always been the unequal one in this relationship. But you always were what I couldn’t be and complemented who I was. And every single day you add so much more to our marriage than I do.

Thanks for still bringing back fuzzies in my heart, I call that a win ;)

Happy anniversary  :)

Sunday, January 10, 2016

The first this year

‘You continue to do it throughout the year what you did on the first day’, or so I have been told. Having written a post on January 1, 2015 had given me the presumptuous cheek to believe that I would frequent this space. Which obviously I didn’t.  So there you go, maybe I have broken the myth.

A year has passed. I am surprised how immeasurable time is. While happiness consumes it faster than you fathom, a volume of spiritless days can choke like the glop in a clogged drain. Thankfully, last year in my head is like fuzz, light and fluffy, which tells me that I should have been in a good place.

The New Year and My Resolutions have always been like the hostile cousins who met every summer, gave each other a black eye but played along since it was a single occurrence an year. It was never fun. So, this time the cousins don't meet, not until I learn to absolutely adhere to an idea or desire strongly enough to not change my mind.

While resolutions don’t matter much this year , hopes still do. Silly hopes.

Hope that every coming year my parents age a little less. Hope that my sisters are happier. Hope that I wake up every day to toothpaste on my wet toothbrush and a cup of Ovomaltine  on the kitchen table. Hope that my husband  loves me  the way he does and while he is at it, still empties the dishwasher (because there are days in a year when I feel that dirty dishes can go somewhere and die). Hope that simple things continue to exist and so do good books and kindness.

I hope that everyone has something to hope for. Happy New Year.

Thursday, January 1, 2015

All that matters

This New Year’s Eve we did things that felt right. 

Stretched out on the sofa in our faded pants we indulged in the unpretentious pleasure of rice and dal. Called our families; people who have lightened up our dark and melancholy days with their unceasing faith and kindness all these years. Watched beautiful fireworks from our balcony, hugged tight and thanked each other for still giving ourselves innumerable reasons to celebrate. Baked a banana loaf and ate half of it as the clock struck midnight.

We entered a new year again, unfamiliar and unaccustomed..doing things that felt right, doing things that really mattered.

Sunday, December 21, 2014

The fur ball

She was four legs and a ball of fur, hiding under the table when I arrived.  The family had spoken about it. But 'pet' is not a word that sits comfortably with me. I like animals, but I am scared of them, no matter how Lilliputian they are. And above and beyond all other all considerations, their honesty scares me. Unlike humans who may go in for a facade, animals don’t. When you don’t like them, they don’t like you. When you are scared of them, they are  scared of you.  Very simple.

I remember myself being an irate human being that day. Ridiculing my folks for valuing a rabbits point of view regarding my  likeability. Blasphemy.(Did I mention she's a bunny?).  But we had  two weeks between us and we had to give each other fair chances before calling it love/hate.

So my first day was spent speculating if she would be like a dog or a cat. But she was not, she was exactly like a rabbit. Tucking in the greens, sleeping galore, chewing hay, doing her business in  the litter box, nibbling some bunny poop and romping around mad at night. I was overwhelmed by how busy yet unfussy this tiny thing was.

Interspersed between her modest schedule would be her secret moments of euphoria. Things she would do well-timed behind our backs. She could not contain her joy while shredding books, chomping off clothes, murdering 7 phone chargers and 5 ear phones (latest counts).

But I have to admit it , by the time I left back for Germany I fostered an unhealthy level of attachment with her. She did not speak my language, but I enjoyed her company much more than I have enjoyed socializing with humans in a long time.  

I always thought without  a pet our houses would be cleaner and our  holidays would be particluarly easier to plan. But our long-eared missy was a slideshow to the non-consuming and unconditional love that animals bestow. They fill a void in our life, one that we don’t even realise we have. And now we all love her so much that our fur ball is not a pet anymore, she is family.

Thursday, February 6, 2014

The 9 months project

I am yet to come across a day when I don’t make an unprecedented effort to combine a relationship, home and work. Life is sometimes mundane and inconsequential.  I surely wake up tired but I spring back to face each day.

I am happy. Until I meet flaky acquaintances who are only good at dispensing advice. When I wasn’t wearing a ring, my marriage was on the talks. And now when I am wearing one, they conduct the baby quiz. And I am thunderstruck at not being allowed even this indulgence when I wish to.

It’s hard to believe, but often it’s me who gets the label.Always something’s  “wrong” with me because I am not “there” yet.

 “You are too ambitious!” .Yes, I wish. The problem is I am really not. I am just stupid. Stupid who? The One who increments the tediousness of life by always doing everything on her own and raises the imaginary "perfection" bar over her own head. Perfect food, perfect home, perfect experiments, perfect relationships...blah blah and blah! Hence I'm slow and working twice as hard. I wish I was tad simpler in my head.

“You are growing old”. Yes, the biological clock ticks me off too. But I want to think this through and become a parent when we both are prepared to become one and hopefully when we are biologically capable of being one too.

Lastly, I wish I could express my deep rooted abhorrence for the argumentative “You are being selfish. It’s you who doesn't want a child”. For the records, I am not holding a knife against my husband’s balls. I think the baby idea is even not on his radar.

In nutshell, I don’t wish to be persuaded that someone else’s idea of happiness should be mine. There is no reference guide to life. The idea of becoming a mother moves me, and the idea of not becoming one scares me as much. And who knows? May be somewhere up there where babies are made, my teeny-weey blob is getting done too. And the day I wish for it, hold it and gobble it up silly would be my day of bliss.


Friday, March 22, 2013

"Something more" in my life

With more than 75% of the Earth being water I had one good reason to learn swimming. And a couple of reasons more.

I am a workaholic. I talk work, dream work, vacation (if at all) with work. I like working, but no matter how much I try to justify it, the truth is over the years it has depleted me. I’m on the wrong side of 25, but there is nothing else apart from studying and working that I have actually achieved in my life.
I don’t know how to ride a bike (And I carry this around like a scuzzy secret). I don’t excel in any sports. I used to be good at singing but never pursued it any further. I love cooking and the only thing that comforts me after a long day at work is my kitchen. Given a chance I would rather spend my whole day dreaming about creating and glorifying food, but that’s how far my virtual culinary bliss would extend, I know I can never make a career out of it.
The self-realisation that my tombstone would read “Just a workaholic” was very daunting and there had to be something else that I could learn and do well other than pipetting in the lab.
And that’s how I learned swimming. I am sure I hear people giggling over the fuss I am making out of learning something so seemingly trivial. Wait until you guys drown and I‘ll have the last laugh ;)
For years I waved off the idea of learning swimming. 1. I was too busy (crap, as now I create time for it). 2. Lack of good instructors (crap again, I found a brilliant one (actually husband did)) 3. It was embarrassing to start at this age 4. I was scared of water and on and on and on. Somehow, putting it off until eternity was my only plan of action.
And then marriage happened. And it brought along someone who patiently stood across the pool cheering me on until I mustered enough courage to dive in and brave the pool. They say behind every successful man there is a woman, but behind my swimming success is my man. The swimming lessons initially were a real bummer. They were annoying (getting up at 6 every Sat morning), exhausting (as hard as I tried, I would not budge a single mm from my original position), awkward (5  year olds whisking past you while you are only beating water to create ripples is not cool), smelly (that nauseating chlorine odour that clung to my body) and above all intimidating (fear of the unknown, yes no logic involved here whatsoever).
I had my share of challenges, big and small. But the day I let go of my instructor’s hand, got over my fear and glided across the pool until every cell in my body screamed out with pain, I knew I had achieved “something” more in my life. That was my first lane. And now I can’t stop doing it. I find myself yearning for the tranquillity that water offers. It’s peaceful to listen to my own breath and its reassuring that my body can follow it.
I am sure there’s a lot more to learn and I am far a cry from being technically all sound. But at least I know I won’t drown. I feel sad that my family is not here to actually see me doing it, but they are happy over the phone, and I can hear it in their voices.
Learning swimming has given me the confidence that it’s never really late to learn anything. There’s nothing worthier in life than surprising yourself with how much more you may achieve. Of course, it would be heaps of hard work and tonnes of fear to begin with. But the joy of adding that “something” more to your life will help you survive it all.
Next for me is riding a bike. I know I would fall, but there will be a day when I won’t fall anymore.
(Photo credit: UW Digital Collections)

Monday, August 13, 2012

Happy Anniversary!

It's been a year. A spring, a summer, a fall and a winter since I found you.

Looking back, it's been small gestures of love that has made our journey together so worthwhile. Our home has given me the comfort & solace I yearned all my life. And the love that surrounds us has transcended any dreams I ever had.

I know that I can celebrate even the smallest of my achievements with you without being embarrased. I know I can walk down the street with you and point towards my favourite house without feeling stupid .I know I can sulk inside the blanket and beg for 5 more minutes of sleep with you. I know Maggie can be the most amazing dinner when we fight till the end for the last spoon.

Each passing day, I am learning to love you more than myself and as much as my family.

I love to laugh with you and I promise I will annoy you for the rest of my life.

Nothing more, nothing less and as simple as that.

Happy Anniversary!