Being a mother

Every morning when I wake up, I see what I want to be in my son's eyes. I am put on a pedestal and honoured like a hero who knows no fears and boundaries. Becoming a mother changes you forever in so many ways. But contrary to expectations, all of it is not pleasant. And yet we choose to hide it away. Put it inside a box forgotten and forgiven for what it has done or is doing to us every single day. My pregnancy was rough. I would have said horrible, but may get chastised for it, so will stick to rough. I would never know why I was chosen but then I’m not looking to place blame. Many a times in life you don't get answers. And it's okay.

It's been a long time since I did something for myself. So, today as I turn an year older, I’m writing. Almost entirely for myself. To finally meet all the emotions that I had disowned while I was out there fighting for our son. And let them peacefully sit in this space. On my birthday it's a gift I deserve.

If you are still with me and care to join as I recall Abir's birth story, please read on.

First Trimester

Second Trimester

Third Trimester

Birth