Sunday, August 10, 2008

Marrying "Mr.Good Enough" !

“Ma! The best ones finish last!”
‘Who said?”
“Murphy kaun?”

Well…for those who find the above exchange of dialogue a bit too cryptic, let me make it a bit simple.

That’s Me and Ma,having our Sunday,across the continent chat, where Ma’s “What did you cook?”, “Don’t work too much”, side of conversation has morphed into tying the nuptial knot discussion.

Ma finds Murphy's laws of love atrocious and marriage is a subject I would choose to be blissfully ignorant about.

I think Ma has been hanging around too much with the Punju aunties of the colony, who (with due respect), after graduating from the Mehrason’s jewellery talks are apparently throwing in nuggets of wisdom on ‘Shaadi’ to my mom.

While Papa maintains a stoic silence, Ma invariably gets berserk, not because she’s genuinely worried about it but because a hoard of other anonymous well wishers are!!

I lay a bet, not one out of the most eligible bachelors my Dad’s-Uncle’s-Cousin brother’s-Wife’s-Sister’s-Eldest daughter suggests, would continue to believe in the sanity of marriage once they have a chance encounter with this rather volatile bachelorette ME!!

I mean it’s not that I’m a commitment-phobic or I‘m jaded to an extent where the idea of a future wedlock sounds highly eccentric. The point is, what happens when reality dawns and lust fades? Which will, sooner or later. And to think of a co-existence with someone who can’t stand the REAL me and vice versa, is a darn nightmare!

And Ma, believe me when I say..even a head count of 1,147,996 Indians doesn’t help! More isn’t always better, sometimes it’s just more!

It’s not politically incorrect or a huge act of resentment in admitting that apart from a big house, good money, respect at work and acknowledgment as an individual, the thing that in parallel allures a heterosexual single woman would be marriage. Those who say no are lying or are in conscious denial.

BUT. And that too a big one. Marriage isn’t only about cosmic connection, pre-marriage jitters and finally dashing down the aisle. Gazing in the same direction, clasping fingers and a spiritual communion is far fetched from being pragmatic. There are times, when stealing even 10 minutes of non-logistical-non-problem-solving talk in a marriage and just laughing it out,is not conducive enough for the partners.

One’s married life may not be a perfect recapitulation of O.Henry’s timeless tale “The gift of the Magi” where Della cuts off her prized long hair, to buy her husband Jim a chain for his pocket watch, given to him by his father. Meanwhile, Jim sells his watch to buy his wife a set of ivory combs for her beautiful locks. But even then, it invariably takes two and small gestures of love to make the journey together worthwhile...whether you call it friendship, marriage or spouse but friends in the making.

It’s about her making a cup of tea and tasting it before giving it to him; to make sure it tastes good and him managing a surprise breakfast on a lazy Sunday morning (even if it’s just cornflakes and milk).

It’s sleeping over a fight but both of them making sure that you have a conversation tomorrow, no matter how grim the situation may be.

It’s her giving him the biggest piece of cake she baked and the perfectly round chapati she rolled.

It’s about him wearing that blue shirt just because she likes him in it and about her packing his travel bag for his hurried tour even without him reminding her.

It’s about him flexing his so called biceps in the mirror for the nth time and her thinking “O God ! I married a self-obsessed narcissist, but what do I do? I love him !”

It’s about her, not nixing him based on his annoying habit of sleeping in the movie theater or his hopeless sense of aesthetics, for she knows, that being his better half, she can compensate for the rest.

Marrying is not for the better or for the worse but for the good. It’s not in I, Me and Myself, but in We and Us. The million dollar question is not how compatible you are, but how do you get over with your share of incompatibilities.

Ma, the day I find someone who accepts me for what I’m and I feel proud of what he is, that one special person whom I can annoy for the rest of my life, and who says “I love to laugh with you”, someone whom I can love more than myself and as much as my family, I will marry him, simple as that.

And the rest, as they say, the secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

Added later

Check this out, got me into splits :D

Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married & she didn't have to hear about how well his Mother cooked!


Cheena said...

Kyon madam,

Do I see an hidden message in the ramblings??? Shezaada se intro to deh do baba!!!


jaydeep said...

is dis some sign or something...

Arpita said...

@ Sri
Hahahahahaha, that’s an asinine guess!
Dude it takes darn courage to polarize me!! In fact, the chances are so very bleak, I think finally I have to stalk someone and hope that he gets panicky and gives in.

Arpita said...

I bet it is: NO ENTRY!

Anand said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Arpita said...

Arre yaar aisa mat bolo..chuhe se shaadi kari toh big time identity crisis ho jayega!Meri lab main saare chuhe kaale-kaale hain..bilkul ek jaise..mera "suhaag" us bheed main kho gaye toh??Nahiiiiiiiiin!!
At this point of time my mom is game with a mouse-son-in-law too!!But I don't want to inflict such a major insult to the gene pool!!
Nopes, my antenna unfortunately isn't catching any signals,for the simple reason that the wavelength of the signals are majorly out of sync with mine, so much so ki OHT ho jaata hai!
Well..I agree that the description is a bit visionary...but somehow I found the incidents humane enough to come across at least once in a lifetime, if not everyday.

Thank.You.On second thoughts, more than me the person zeroing down on me needs all the good luck..hahahaha.

justforpraveen said...

Long time back I had posted a passage somewhere called "the perfect match". Essentially now we the educated have become too individualistic that we just don't wish to shadow our individuality just coz we tied knot with someone. We just wish to continue as we are demanding acceptance rather than adopting to new horizons. Well world is real and not perfect.

Arpita said...

"You're not perfect, sport, and let me save you the suspense, this girl you've met, she's not perfect either. But the question is whether or not you're perfect for each other."-Robin williams (Sean)Goodwill Hunting

I guess it sums up all I need to say. You needn't loose yourself completely in a marriage, you can still be yourself. Just that you need to accept the good, bad and ugly in the other person too and still love the person for what he or she is. Rest all, compromises, adjustments, disagreements, fights etc are a part of the game, which you have to enjoy and love playing along the way :)

justforpraveen said...

Perfect answer. thumps up. This is something I believe in myself as well

I know what you are saying :)

Arpita said...

Hey I'm glad that we share a mutually concerted opinion on this..els its difficult to find appropriate expressions when you need to define things as abstract as love, friendship or relationships in general.