Sunday, July 26, 2009

20 things that bother people about me

1. My new roomie is a Man.
A MAN and A WOMAN can live independently in the same house and without sleeping with each other.

2. I insist doing things on my own.
Yes, it’s painful for the “limping woman” to chase the bus with those jumbo bags. But being independent makes it hurt less :)

Nonetheless, I deeply appreciate your concern. Thank you.
When in need, I will ask.

3. I work all the time.
I don’t get sleepless nights thinking how committed people are towards their work.
But I should do justice to the bread and butter I earn. Cold and hard as it may sound, I use no logic on myself, other than this. And I think its bloody fair.

4. I don’t booze or smoke.
I never took my freedom for granted. We were to follow the rules at home. No staying up late at night, no pocket money and only good grades. Boozing and smoking is just another way of life. If you think it’s liberating, good. But if you assume I ‘m “tied down” by not doing so, I surely beg to differ.

5. Eeeeeeeks, I carry a tattoo.
You needn’t be a slut to carry one. Live a little!
I love that piece of art on my skin. So please stop being judgemental about it.

6. I don’t watch romantic stuff / movies.
Rombaaaaaaa true! It's not that I am incapable of loving people, just that I don’t fancy it onscreen.

*Sidenote for friends: For heaven’s sake, stop being a bloke by canceling your plans of watching one if I am not turning up. Please go ahead right-away.
I would love the fact that you enjoyed it with/without me. And I’m even game listening to what made it enjoyable for you, just that I can’t bring myself to enjoy watching it.

7.I have more guy friends.
If I align my memories with the facts, yes, I always did.
Now, if I identified more with people who were less judgemental and least fussy but they happened to be men, am I subjective to Indian Penal Code Dafaa 302..nahi na?

8.I have not seen a single episode of “Friends”.
How big a problem is that?
I don’t enjoy sitcoms. I would rather read.

And yes, I acknowledge the fact that people are different.

9. I don’t do girly stuff.
I can get excessively ornamented as a female.
Coochie-cooing babies on the streets, awwwwwing the old couple walking hand in hand, buying a huge bunch of lilies for myself etc etc and etc.

It’s normal for a guy to do the guy things and for a girl to do the girly things. And I think I’m a normal girl capable of doing the normal stuff, but not at the cost of public embarrassment for others.

10. I don’t care what my friends do.
I very much do. But I don’t ask them to chalk out their schedule for me, just because"I AM" their friend.

I don’t fret over that possible Boy’s night out where my guy friends would go bowling and boozing without tagging me along. And likewise I don’t shudder if the girls prefer to do some window shopping without me. One can savour every bite of their solitary good times, without owing me an explanation!
Anyyyyyyyyyyhow, I think I got plenty of schemes to make up for the revenge later!

11. I am not emotional.
With time, I have become less expressive of my emotions. I translate them in to actions.

12. I am hell of a loud mouth.
If simple + straight= Insensitive speech, then, sorry, it just is.
I loose the conversation, the moment the other person morphs into a smooth talker.

Don’t tell me, what you think I would love to hear.
Beat redundancy. For a change, talk real.

13. I can’t read minds/ contemplate what people think.
Abbe yaar, hum insaan log ek electron ka position to theek se predict nahi kar sakte ...and you want me read your mind and predict what you might be thinking?? Yeh toh too much hai apun ke liye.

If your own thoughts are entangled inside your head, and you yourself are incapable of legibly manifesting it, then how would they make way to my brain?

Clarity of thoughts is a turn on.

14. I am sarcastic.
No. Unfortunately I don’t exercise that weapon too often, for the simple reason that people are not bright enough to get it!
I appreciate wit but at the same time I believe it shouldn’t be used as a license to lash out people.
And if unknowingly I get rude with you, stop me right away. Everyone deserves that right.

15. I don’t talk when I’m angry.
Generally I laugh it out. Otherwise, it gets ugly. Yes, I am capable of spitting venom.
The history of making some of the most awful speeches while I was angry, makes me least proud. And I don’t want to loose the lesson, again.

16. I throw fits when people pay for me.
I think I have a reasonable explanation in support of the cause. If the “why” intrigues you, read this :
If you disagree, don’t bother.

17. I cuss.
HaHa. Oh yeah, I do.
But I would never utter teri maa kiiiiiiiiiiii types mote-mote golden shabds in front of your parents or the elderly. But if you happen to be one of my bum-chums, you will be subjected to some jackass behavior and with time you will get used to the expletives.

18.I laugh.
No. I laugh a lot.

You see, it’s simple.
Life is nasty. There are times when I just don’t know how to cope, and then I pretend to be somebody who can cope. At that time I laugh and think, “Alright… I am laughing; therefore things must be still under control”

There is no glory in sticking out like a sore thumb. The civilisation doesn’t cease for you.
The day I stop laughing, I will be dead. And I want to live.

19.I can kill for my family and friends.

That’s an amazing foresight.
God bless the smart people. They are right.

20.I write crap on my blog.
And I get back to folding the dried laundry and eating peanuts.

P.S.1: "You" refers to people in general and no one in particular.
P.S.2: I ain't justyfing. I am introspecting :). And yeah I am a bit pissed off :(
P.S.3: Man...looks like I am mightily bothersome, the list ran quite a length!

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Nautanki unlimited!

"Happy Solar Eclipse!!!! hehehe..........this one was really rare but hum itne aalsi hain, poori duniya 6 baje jag gayee to watch the eclipse, aur hum A.C. ki hawa mein zzzzzzzzzzz kar rahen the!!!!"

There are moments of failure.
But they don’t clam me up.
To know that I have some big time drama queens sitting back home, feels like bliss :)

Monday, July 20, 2009

Food Feud

"When two people fight over food, the third one makes quite a job of it!"

Sunday, July 19, 2009


"More isn't always better; sometimes it's just more."
-Sabrina Fairchild (Julia Ormond) in Sabrina.

Friday, July 17, 2009

Lab Khichdi

For what I'm subjected to in the lab, I should better claim some money from the research funds. Else, how am I supposed to afford the Rehabilitation costs?? Bolo..bolo??

Please Read on..

1. The lab meetings are sometimes interesting but boring-n-never-ending, otherwise. So while we were lost, sleepy and hungry, our breather moment arrived. The last presentation had some supercool stuff..bole toh ekdum dhinchaak kinds!

There was this picture of a toilet brush hanging over a dirty pot in the Men’s Loo. All the anonymous, dirty fellas were asked to use THE hi-tech instrument after their bowel has messed up with the bowl! Man….I was howling!!

2. One of the new instruments in the lab includes this humungous mice faeces and urine collector, proudly owned by the Metabolic Group. So you see, God’s food is never wasted. All the crap goes into science.

3. Our lab jobs were being assigned and a particular chapta (Those who don’t get it (Damn I have such unimaginative readership!), mail me n I will tell you what or rather who a chapta is.) was given the responsibility of First-Aid***… people who know him would only understand the severity of this. He is the kind of guy who is capable of giving a mouse tremors over a unscalable Richter scale, apparently, killing the mouse of a heart attack, before actually getting to kill it. (If looks could kill? Yes sometimes they do!)

The golden history of the first mice dying of a brain haemorrhage and capillary obstruction, the moment he grabbed it, remains..well..golden. So, First Aid?? Thanks. But No Thanks. I would rather kill myself before doing that!

***And as a matter of fact, I laughed the loudest. Reallllllly control nai hota, and I should definitely do something about it. Suggestions?

4. One of the Lab technicians (of the sweetest ones) asked me on my birthday,
Tech: “So, Aaaapitaaaaaaa, how many years did you make?”
Me: “Errrrrr..What did I make??”
Action replay.
Me: (Arpita? Shut Up and Don’t you dare laugh)
Me making Mission Impossible, somewhat possible, “I make 24 years :) ”

5. One of the chaptas in our lab is this very “gol” that mom’s could actually teach their kids shapes on seeing him ...“Beta, woh dekho..“round” bolo”. So “kaddu” as we call him, works always in an almost leg-split position (scientifically-n-socially a bit compromising). I couldn’t resist myself asking him once, why? And he proudly replied, makes him think “good” (I think he meant better). While he blinked and got back to work in his
la grande position, I was rolling in the aisles.

6. Me and Luis working. Suddenly,
Luis: "Arpaaaaaa?"
Me: "Yep"
Luis: "Do I look fat?"
And I think I laughed my loudest in this year.

Monday, July 13, 2009


“Come on, what do you think makes you women sexy….huh?”

For a guy who uses words as ridiculous as “phantasmagorical” while composing a sentence, that should have come easy. ***

Now dude, it’s difficult to put down in words what I may find sexy in a man, and you are asking about women??? In principle it’s a very subjective question and it’s sad that I need to stick my oar in! But since you sincerely asked for it, hope I do justice :)

Sexy is elusive.

It can be an uninhibited laugh or a silent whisper.

It can be a casual glance or a mystical smile.

It can be pair of unknown eyes in the crowd or a clutter of heels on a polished floor.

Short-n-Tall, Chubby-n-Skinny, Young-n-Old, Black-n-White; anything and everything that lies in between. It can be sexy or not.

What makes it so is the mystery it exudes.The uniqueness it possesses.

Sexy is attitude.

Sexy is being yourself.

The comfort in your own skin.

A woman’s repository of sensuality is right inside her head.

P.S. ***
1. Ab kya kare humri angreji tanik kamjor hai ! Aap ke bhaari-bharkam sabdwa hamarko samajh nahi aawat hain.
2. Now ee hai tohar liye ispesal translesan: I’m linguistically stunted when it comes to your American sitcom comedy. So, it would be highly appreciated if you please don't exend it to mundane conversations with me ((us); yeah we have a consensus out here...Yeayyyyyyyyyy!). Thank You.

P.P.S. Tanuj, for obvious reasons the poem had to be heaved up from your comment section. Hope I have your consent :)

Sunday, July 12, 2009


Damn..I’m so freaking tired I could possibly sleep for the next 24 hours…neat!

In fact, I really had to keep pinching myself while coming to the Uni today, else I could have easily made an involuntary (and unconscious) trip of entire Ulm..(and with that muchchad-buddha-sadooo driver giving me the only would not have been such a romantic experience after all!)

Every bone in my body is giving a masala-papad-like cracking sound (No kidding!) and my neck is the worst; so much so that I would choose to be beheaded if only it could stop the pain!

This is exacccccctly how I am feeling right now :( :( ------>

Friday, July 10, 2009

The Pursuit of Happyness

"It was right then that I started thinking about Thomas Jefferson on the Declaration of Independence and the part about our right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. And I remember thinking how did he know to put the pursuit part in there? That maybe happiness is something that we can only pursue and maybe we can actually never have it. No matter what.How did he know that?"

-Christopher Gardner (Will Smith) in "The Pursuit of Happyness"

Thursday, July 9, 2009


Jerk (A nosy colleague of mine I would love to do without :/ ): "Where are you going?"

Me: "Mouse room"

Jerk: "Why?"

Me: "To make mouse pakoda."

Jerk: "What’s paaakoooodaaaaa? Is it like daaael? (Well..he is referring to "daal"...And only God knows how I should spell what he actually calls it!)

Me: (Disappear before I kill you!!): "No. It’s that round-yellow-oily thing I made and you hogged on the other day. Just that mouse pakoda has a tail hanging out. Easy to fry!"

Sunday, July 5, 2009

I need it or I am used to it?

With an extremely busy week bygone, I promised myself not to galti-se-bhi-bhatko in the lab today. But here I am, again!

Although, I had the choice of saying a big NO, but still I didn’t.

I wonder why? Is it that I really love doing what I have been doing or that I have done it too often for it to become a habit now?

In principle I think we humans are plain weird. Just like getting up, brushing teeth, drinking a cup of tea, we thread in certain things like an everyday ritual, without knowing why? And with each passing day, it becomes too difficult to tear the “I’m Habituated to this” tag off those things; or worse people.

Having lived together for years, that “being together” sometimes oppresses everything else. So much so, that we fail to acknowledge the primary reason for being together at all! Probably because we are too scared that one fine day we might just wake up alone, something we are not used to. A huge emotional investment in that person makes us too empty to just let go off our “yesterday”, like a chapter in a history textbook. Hence we plod on , just like a habit.

In retrospect I have realised that the above reasoning is bad, even if the reasons are compelling enough. It’s like seeking approval for your own existence from someone else.

Hence, sometimes we have to walk past that very thing or give oneself a bit of time without that person. Even if we are afraid, we might still have the strength to overcome the momentary absence of it. And trust me, at times; not having that something or someone in our life can be really unveiling. We eventually discover if it’s worth running after what we have been running for, all this while :)

I mean, we may still end up with the same person or doing the same thing, but at least we know why and how badly we couldn’t have done without him/her/it. And guess, nothing in life is agreeable without this thought well in place.

When I left India, I thought I would not be able to breath without my family (literally, of course!). Not having them around makes me believe I was correct. I know now, that they weren’t just a habit. And I could not have realised my set of reasons, some known while others unknown, had my folks been always right in front of me .

Well..that brings me to somehow closing the loop I started initially. I think Iam not habituated to work; I feel the need to work, to get back to them soon enough :)