Friday, June 27, 2008

Heyii! I'm Srinath!

On a horrendous Sunday of January 2008 (27th to be precise), 21:30, University Guest House (Read: Bhoot Bangla), Deutschland.

Scene 1:
Me in my dirtiest pullover and stinking socks (Guest House washing machine kaputt for the past 2 weeks, water painstakingly cold, hence, clothes piled up like a dhobi ghaat in my room. Oh…I love details), chopping onions, sobbing and plotting my boss’s murder in the kitchen.

Ting Tong Ting Tong Ting Tong (That was the doorbell, in case you people didn’t get about lack of imagination!!)

(What the hell $§”?* %/%&?? ) Who is it??

I open the door and see a creature who looks as if he has been jacked down by a bunch of hooligans down the street.

"Heyi! I’m Srinath!" (To main kya karoon?)
"I have dropped in the room downstairs. I’m from Florida." (Tabhi solid accent maar raha hai!Saala ABCD (American Born Confused Desi) kahin ka!! )
"Hmm..Please come in."

Zoom..the transition from the door to my room was 15 microseconds.
(Thumbrule: Don’t be nice to Srinath!!)

Scene 2:
Me vanishing and reappearing like a genie with a glass of juice.
"Oh Arpita! Old habits die hard! You shouldn’t have bothered."(Man, you flushed down the last glass of my favourite orange juice down your throat, without a hiccup. Peene se pehle bolna tha, idiot!!)

Scene 3:
After 1hour-13 min-30 sec-47 microseconds of absolute bhejafry conversation,
"Okie..I will take a leave now"(Bhagwaan tere ghar der hai, andher nahi!)

But yeh kya, instead, he makes a U-turn and barges into my kitchen!

"Whats cooking?" ( Khichdi boloongi toh bhag jayega!!)

"Khichdi!"(Arre!! He is still standing!! Ab recipie bataoon kya? Wish I had a gun! Boss ke saath-saath ise bhi uda deti!!boom..boom..boom!)

Scene 4:
Exit Srinath. Iam braindead.

Exactly after 4 months, 29 days and 1000 sessions of idiocy,

Tring Tring Tring Tring (Imagine..Imagine..Phone baj raha hai!!)

"Heyi Arpita..wassup?"
"I’m good. Hw about you?"
"Ledyyh, I’m doiiin kewl!"
"Srinath!!Drop the accent!"
"Abe yaaar..where is it?Hum toh pakka desi hain!!"

And the battle continues…

So, after loads of brutally honest , mud splashing, throat slashing, verbal spanking(okie that was a bit of an exaggeration, Ahimsa zindabad) Srinath has transcended from a weirdo to a "Weirdo Friend" (Won’t say a Good one or else it will act as a rocket fuel for his deflated ego and Srinath will land somewhere on the Moon!! Good for Mother Planet though!)

The Moral of the story: Never judge people by their face value.

Not convinced? Okieee....You see, Srinath looks no less than an alien who’s UFO, due to some technical problems (kahani main twisht )refuses to take off!!(Therefore,1 month of extension in Germany. I know, tumne apnaa vimaan bhoot bangle ki jhaadiyon main, free fund main park kiya hai.Kanjoos haddi!). Talking of aliens,in principle Srinath would have been a good proxy for Jaadu (knock knock, the overfriendly alien in Koi Mil Gaya. Ohho!!the chap who gives Hrithik Roshan magical powers. No joy for me, Srinath is useless!!)

Now on a serious note!! Was I joking all this while? Naaaah! His gestures..not Jaadu, I’m talking about Srinath!!, such as accompanying me to the hospital when I was ill (although I’m sure he would have enjoyed maaroing bunk that day. Mean Me), or for that matter, as my unpaid coolie when I shifted my apartment (Good job man.See experience counts. BTW u never mentioned which railway station?) or plenty of other occasions when he helped even if he wasn’t obliged to, deserve a mention. Thanks a bunch(haan haan Kachori bhi khila doongi..Bhookkad!!).Hey, we might not be able to speak frequently, but try and be in touch (I hope you got the "subtle" hint, don’t call and bug me even its dirt cheap in US of A).

For all the good things you did (seldom miracles), I want to say a little prayer for you. (Srinath..please rona mat...I know, senti maara na maine?).

“Good luk for all your future endeavours. May you survive your PhD defence and the physically present but mentally lost people in the crowd also come out of the room safe and sound. Nobody gets a heart attack or nervous breakdown or goes in to an out-and-out coma after the laughter riot. Amen.” (Dude, keep the ambulance number handy..just in case)

While closing this, here's cheers to our 5 month old animosity!! (Mera woh orange juice waala..n tumhaara woh..ganda ganda..whatever waala!)

Statutory Warning:
People if you see a guy ( alien..rings a bell??) in floral print shirt and bermudas. Please avoid for all the obvious reasons.

Although Srinath might claim, but take the word from the horse’s mouth, none of the aforementioned events are fictitious and resemblance to any person living (Srinath) or dead (Me, once he reads the post) is not co-incidental.


munmun said...

Very funny bunty....After all the favours he's done to you so far,this is how to repay a friend??? German kahin ki...Hmmmm,those socks must be really very smelly.Poor Srinath!!!
Hmm,but well-written indeed...Leave Germany and come to India..We can start our own "baisantry comics"!

Cheena said...

So the responses have started coming. Its nice to know that there are nice, kind hearted people in the Baisantry clan!!!

Munmun- For some reason (very fishy!!) your sis has purposefully and comfortably "forgotten" some nice incidents in many scenes!!!

Karthik Sriram said...

So the Srinath phenomenon has made its impact in Germany too? Well, Am all set to receive the hurricane back in FL... And we are supposed to be roomies!


Arpita said...

Hey, guess God wasn’t convinced of his scariest creations until he made Sri. Then he surrendered. I’m surprised how come you didn’t recieve a Paramveer Chakra as yet!

Arpita said...

Did somebdy just mentioned favours?
Srinath?Any comments?

"Baisantry Comics"..well..with so many loony characters(the obvious ones) around...not at all a bad idea!

Arpita said...

Anna..must say u r a big time natak!Am brainstorming myself, get me some clues..dnt remeber ANY nice incidents to start off with.

traveler said...

:) nice stuff....
i guess the poor guy is unaware that he has been described this way...
now according to u the third friendly allien...
1- allien from ET
2- our very own jadoo..
3- Mr srinath

Arpita said...

Hey Giri bachcha!
The "poor guy"(misnomer though), is very much aware.
Yup..he sure does resemble one..although the "friendly" aspect is debatable!

Cheena said...

Girish- Mein "sooli" pe be chad jaoon, tab be Arpita's attitude me will never change. Humhare beech janam janam ki dushmani hey!!!

Arpita- Nice incidents, let me throw you one; hospital mein the good news given by the nurse!!!

Munmun- Help??? Its will with a hidden agenda ;)

Arpita said...

Exuse muaah?
How could I possibly overlook this one before??
"Will with a hidden agenda" Hmmm..Whaaaaaaaaat?
Beta..Do you want a missile crash-n-boom in your apartment..anonymously?So,dude spit it out!!