Sunday, December 20, 2009

A matter of options.

I am the eldest of the three sisters.
I had my choices in life. I’m really glad that I did.
To make what I wanted out of myself. To exercise free spirit. To practice fierce independence. And to manage the chaos that followed when I abused the former two.

But thanks, someone reminded me yesterday that
“You are a woman at the end of the day!
Come what may, there are certain things which are out of your say.”

(I know that’s injurious poetry, but it rhymes, so come alongwith me for now)

Hmmm.actually there's no polite way to break this in, so I'll be downright direct.

Alright, so as a woman, what are the options I enjoy in life?
Did I/ or will I ever run;

1. An option of turning home midnight, piss drunk, sweaty after ceaseless puffing and mambo-jambo-ing? I am sure no one appreciates a woman who does that (Bahot “forward” hai!!) I am yet to meet a man, who thinks otherwise, not one who says he does.

2. An option of saying that all I know is turning on the stove in the kitchen? (“Whaaaaaaaaaat she doesn’t know how to cook???????”) Yes, because while being a man you were too busy preparing for your medical entrances, AIEEE, CAT etc etc, unfortunately I was writing those exams too. And fair enough, there were no grace marks for females who could demonstrate their expert culinary skills! So it wasn’t worth the hassle!

3. An option of expecting tea, breakfast, a packed lunch box and a dinner at the end of the day? So what if I am tired or I had a bad day or I stand a deadline. I am a woman. Didn’t my mom teach me how to multitask? (Funny enough, a distant cousin of mine used to shout “Chavanyaprash” at his breakfast table everyday, and his wife used to scoop out a spoonful for him, right in front of his mouth!)

4. An option of staying back late in the office for that one raise I could kill for? May be not. I don’t have to take my work thaaaaaaaaaat seriously, even if I receive the same pay cheque. And if need arises, I sure do always run an option of belittling my academic pursuits. I am a woman; I am raised that way (When the kids had to score good marks in the board exams, my aunt had to quit her job. Period. )

5. An option of confessing love? May be not.(Arre woh bhi aisi hai?) Kaisi hai bhai?? You know..“that kind” of easy women who do it. Because ‘she’ who asked one, may be asked too many..who knows?

6. An option of saying NO, to leave behind my parents, my siblings, and my home and even my name? (even if my surname runs 10 Km long)To let go of everything that I had. And gladly accept everything that belongs to him. Imagine how tough it would be wake up to a new him, an entirely new house, new people and may be a new country for some. A man would never know, because there are chances that he would never be asked to.

7. An option of asking? Remember..he is the only one I know in that new house? I am human and there are times when I may goof up or simply don’t understand him. (Yo..sometimes obvious hints don’t work!!!And what if I feel like chopping off the hair of his highly snooty cousin, or I am suppressing the urge to poke his nosy aunt right in her eye? Do I run the option to tell, to blow it off?) I am not sure. I am a woman, and good women don’t ask too many questions or manifest anger (wrongly labeled “mood swings”).

8. An option of bumping in to one of my old school friend (The friend in question may be a man and very much single).and chat away to glory over a cup of tea?( Naiii....kahin sasu ma ne dekh liya toh? Ya phir unhe achcha nahin laga toh?)

9. An option of raising my kid myself; walk out on a man who beats me black and blue because unfortunately he knows that God made him stronger physically.(And its deceitful to think that only gaon ke gawar do that. Well read, city bred people also very much do that!) And no matter how progressive the Indian society might be a divorced woman is still subjected to that “haaaawwwwww” eyes!

I guess I may scribble days and nights over this. And I am very sure there’s already a clan of “We hate her. Use pakad ke maaro” men somewhere in the making(I will not go for my morning walk tomorrow:P).But I am yet to get enough inspired in life, so as to practice and preach pro-feminism.

All I want to say is that God (I am randomly assuming God is a he! Please suit yourself and don’t run a debate over this) was not partial. Neither to men nor to women.

While he bestowed the gift of making babies to women, he made sure that it still was a team effort.

He bestowed man with bumper muscles to protect and woo his woman ;), fetch food (without thinking that he will use it to subjugate the opposite sex) and he made women emotionally stronger (without anticipating a well calculated exploitation of the same asset by her!)

So you see..WE acted super smart. We diced in the societal norms. Women are supposed to do this and that is a Man’s job. I mean except where nature sets in discretion, who are we to entitle each other with a given set of options?

So guys you can wash the dishes. Only girls would do it is no default setting!

And females. You can lift the boxes; drag the suitcases and stop crying and acting vulnerable to get your job done. That’s next to blackmailing. And it is pathetic!

1.I think I am aware of the guy’s side of the story. But if you think I acted nasty. Please go ahead and enlighten me :)

2. I am not appreciative of excessive boozing, smoking, showing disrespect and walking out on a relationship. And it makes me feel proud that only women can combine marriage, children, and a career. Just that I think it’s unfair to tie the performance leash only on her.


justforpraveen said...

I really read your list :). Views below might just be a glimpse of culture amongst people related to IT like myself.

1. I don't mind. I don't find anything unusual. Am I an exception

2. Well traditionally and even now men have been Chef's so who says its women's job :). Cooking is good but not the only thing

3. Many of my friends cook food, take care of kids, if they reach home earlier than their wife "without" being asked !

4. Absolutely as said in 3. I see them planning each day to adjust for their immediate work demands.

6. People like me have left home right when they started their college studies, lived between unknowns,alien countries,with no family members around.
Its no less than loosing old identity and building new image. Most women witness this kind of change only after marriage. Till then they have comfort of their home.


9. I don't see trouble here and I don't care about the society. Its dynamic.Cultures will keep changing

Arpita said...

Hey Praveen..great to have you back :)
I am glad you think the way you do and I sincerely hope that your ideas find a smooth succession from "blogworld" to the "real world".
I am wicked..I carry my doubts ;) Cheers!

P.S. Hows work?

justforpraveen said...

Thanq.. I am always here..You were missing since a long time

In real life or blog world I am the same :). I believe I have been always been improving and yet I am not even close to ideal :).

Apart from Engineering, I did courses in Sociology ~ MA degree. It added several dimensions to my thinking. People read for grades I read to imbibe knowledge.

Gender equality is a key to unlock these lack of options.There are female dominated societies like Japan where men would put up a post on options like this :)

Arpita said...

Hahaha....Japanese men cribbing over gender bias ...sounds fun ;)

Jokes may kill the significance of a thought by simply making it sound absolute. So, I should have avoided that in my preceding comment.

I appreciate your subjectivity. May be you are different :)