With an extremely busy week bygone, I promised myself not to galti-se-bhi-bhatko in the lab today. But here I am, again!
Although, I had the choice of saying a big NO, but still I didn’t.
I wonder why? Is it that I really love doing what I have been doing or that I have done it too often for it to become a habit now?
In principle I think we humans are plain weird. Just like getting up, brushing teeth, drinking a cup of tea, we thread in certain things like an everyday ritual, without knowing why? And with each passing day, it becomes too difficult to tear the “I’m Habituated to this” tag off those things; or worse people.
Having lived together for years, that “being together” sometimes oppresses everything else. So much so, that we fail to acknowledge the primary reason for being together at all! Probably because we are too scared that one fine day we might just wake up alone, something we are not used to. A huge emotional investment in that person makes us too empty to just let go off our “yesterday”, like a chapter in a history textbook. Hence we plod on , just like a habit.
In retrospect I have realised that the above reasoning is bad, even if the reasons are compelling enough. It’s like seeking approval for your own existence from someone else.
Hence, sometimes we have to walk past that very thing or give oneself a bit of time without that person. Even if we are afraid, we might still have the strength to overcome the momentary absence of it. And trust me, at times; not having that something or someone in our life can be really unveiling. We eventually discover if it’s worth running after what we have been running for, all this while :)
I mean, we may still end up with the same person or doing the same thing, but at least we know why and how badly we couldn’t have done without him/her/it. And guess, nothing in life is agreeable without this thought well in place.
When I left India, I thought I would not be able to breath without my family (literally, of course!). Not having them around makes me believe I was correct. I know now, that they weren’t just a habit. And I could not have realised my set of reasons, some known while others unknown, had my folks been always right in front of me .
Well..that brings me to somehow closing the loop I started initially. I think Iam not habituated to work; I feel the need to work, to get back to them soon enough :)